Things to avoid in the real world

As I've walked through the valley of the shadow of post-collegiate unemployment, I've noticed, graduates, that there are a few things you shouldn't do as a "real-world citizen."

• Listen to Eagle Eye Cherry where people can hear you


• Mention anything about your penis on your resume (and if you do, make sure you use the word "phallus")


• Drunkenly assume that the police will forgive you because you're just young and "trying to have some fun"


• Drunkenly assume that the police will forgive you because you just graduated and you're "trying to relive those college days"


• Refer to any music that came out of the year 1998


• Constantly mention that you were popular in high school and/or college

Happy graduation seniors!